Thursday, March 8, 2012


Ok, so I'm putting a lot into life. I'm taking suggestions. Well, I haven't been very vigilant in my stepwork, but I an writing on it at least once a week. But, mostly I've been putting a lot into my relationship. And, it's creating such an absurd amount of chaos. I'm sure I'm not the only one that's been put in this position. I'm sure I'm not the only one who is trying their damndest to create a more peaceful life. A stable life. A happy life full of friends and family and passions. And in the midst of that lies the drama of the significant other. What happens is that I work hard to create a positive atmosphere. I have a lot of experience at that and I'm really good at it. Sometimes it's fake, but hey, fake it til you feel it. So, I create this atmosphere and I start feeling content and then Mr. Hyde comes through with his doom and gloom and creates this horribly ugly black and white life instead of the beautiful colorful place I used to be in.

What to do in this situation? I love Dr. Jekyll. So, I've been taking care of Mr. Hyde. But, he's a BEAST! I told him that as long as he continued trying that I will be here to support him. But, what if I'm maintaining only well enough to cover my own ass? Keep the relationship, but make sure it's at a distance? I'm not sure what's going to happen, but I do know that even in the midst of all of this, it has made me so grateful that God has put me in the position that I'm in. Maybe it's not "morally" right to use others struggles to find my own gratitude, but I'm really not willing to care about "morally" right at the moment. I'm just grateful. No matter what I go through, I don't have to do what Mr. Hyde does. I don't have to feel like that ever again. My choices can always be different than his, because we are two seperate entities only acting as a unit. Thank God for that. Thank God for seperate entities! So, while the relationship with Mr. Hyde is unstable, at least I can grow and learn and change some of my habits and decision making based on the destruction I see in his.

I'm just going to keep on doing what I do... No Matter What


  1. Hey Sophie. Big smile.
    I feel what you say, I really do. But I have to say something which on the surface might sound cruel.

    Never fake it...!!

    Relationships need to be based on complete trust, and that goes for the one with yourself as well as with significant others. I can tell you from a life of my own disasters that being happy begins with honesty.

    Truth can't lead to dissappointment, only joy at seeing it for the way it is, not for how it was imagined or percieved.

    Again I am no expert and have no 'right' to make judgements, but I will relay the experience I have had in the hope that you might gain some reasurance that you aren't on your own here.
    To 'have' a more peaceful life, we need to 'be' more peaceful. So let us watch ourselves and see what we do when opportunities come our way. Compassion is a tool to help here. Try to see the world from the eyes of another and then we are less focused on ourselves. That way we act more intuitively and more effectively.
    I hope this helps you as it does me, hearing myself saying it.

    Big hugs.


  2. Thank you! This really helped reassure me. I did in fact go get honest this weekend and I feel a lot more freedom. I have a habit of getting too honest with everyone else, and then not getting honest with myself and my significant other, so I'm trying complete honesty! It takes practice. I really appreciate your honesty and experience, and you're right... Never Fake It! I'm adding that to my list of little sayings :)