Stepping Through the Fear

This is the first time that I have stepped out and done something that I was passionate about in a very long time. That is the effect that active addiction had on me. I always had very large dreams. But, I also had a dream of a humble life that was focused on creativity. It's been a huge desire of mine since I was a little girl. Not that I've grown up that much yet... I thought I had lost that desire. I still pictured myself having my dream sometimes, but I had just lost the courage to do anything that would help me achieve that life I envisioned. But, I have a program today. I have a God today. I have people in my life who have come out of their own darkness and shown me a new way to live. And, I hope that more than anything else, there is someone else looking for a reason to step through their fear that might be encouraged by this blog.

To give some identification, I am 19 months clean. I have experienced the depths of my own darkness while I was using. And, it can be so confusing when you're trying to figure out if this is really you. If this is really how your life was supposed to end up. But, now (and thank God for now) I understand that I am able to really and truly appreciate the real version of myself that I am being introduced to. It's been slow so far, but it's been so warming. I feel like the concrete that had attached itself to my heart and seeped into it's pores and veins is being pulled away particle by particle. It is the process of freedom, and that is, I'm pretty sure, what most people are driven by day after day. Survival, first and foremost is the driving force of humanity, but once I'm secure in that, it's freedom that is the priority of my heart. Freedom to be just as I was created. And to leave those creative fingerprints everywhere I've been. That is my desire, and it is with so much bliss that I leave this first fingerprint...